Past Events

2004 Crab Feast
July 25, 2004

State of the Crab 2004
Address by 2004 Crab of the Year, Michael Knipe

The State of the Crab in 2003-2004 was excellent. What am I talking about? To somebody who hasn’t been here for 25 years, this Sunday afternoon must seem odd. Well, it is. A word about what the devil is going on here:

As a past crab tried to explain: The 4th of July Crab feast (which is never held on the 4th of July) is a curmudgeonly celebration of political incorrectness. The College of Crustaceans meets in secret behind closed doors, without benefit of all-parish meetings, mailed surveys, or any comprehensive strategic plan at all. The College cobbles together outrageous, sometimes humorous observations of parishioner behavior, throws a crab and corn bash, and you gorge, laugh, boo, hiss, and generally have a raucous time. As capricious as we are, we do try to adhere to a standard or two. Basically this is not a roast, but a toast to people who wittingly or unwittingly stand out from the crowd by their actions or statements over the past year.

That said, highlights of behavior over the past year that are truly deserving of the crab of the year moniker:

I immediately set the bar high at last year’s crab feast when I almost didn’t show up to be coronated as crab of the year. Members of the College of Crustaceans got really crabby about this—they might have told me that I needed to show up!

There was an early spike in 2004 when, shortly after Shearon Williams joined us as Associate Rector, a geographically displaced member of the parish welcomed her in true St. Mark's fashion by crabbing about her first sermon in a long, ornery and rambling E-Mail. This was the catalyst for an outpouring of reverse crabbiness directed at the critic, which generated a backlash in the other direction, and eventually into a round of apologies and admonitions. Other people resolved never again to participate in the Yahoo E-group. A truly remarkable display of group crab.

Then there was a last-minute dash of crabbiness at Shrine Mont last month when participants who longed for the resurrection of the outlawed functional education "Unit 4"—despair, managed to insert it into the Saturday afternoon session, protesting most anybody and anything.

A remarkable example of chutzpah involves a person who has complained about how things are working here at St. Mark’s when he hasn’t even been around for a couple of years.

But by far an example of crabbiness that leaves even me in awe involves a person who invited people to attend an event she was organizing, only to cap the invitation by saying she might not even show up at her own event!

Clearly there’s no dearth of contenders for the crab moniker. Maybe we should break out the newsprint and make lists of the crabby things that we have done over the past year!

State of the Crab Address


Don Mosher Reading the Nominations


Crabs We Know and Love


Doris Burton's Acceptance Speech


Next Generation Crabs